I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
