so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
