He is such a slut. More and more my type.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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