So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
