dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
