Got a toothbrush?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize