im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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