There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
