Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
