I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
