he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
