My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
