my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
