dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
