I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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