Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize