i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
