I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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