Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's always time for handjobs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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