honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
