I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
