Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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