mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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