Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
