I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
