Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You smell like stripper and shame
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
