being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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