Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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