she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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