"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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