I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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