At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's never too late to be topless.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did i just pee glitter
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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