I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
