I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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