yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
