At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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