a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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