I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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