I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
