but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
