Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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