Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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