One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
