Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
