good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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