He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
