I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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