remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
