I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
