and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
