dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
