it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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