you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
