You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
