garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
