we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
