I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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