You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize