Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
