it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
