btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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