Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
