You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
