you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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