i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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