you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
