you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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