i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize