did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
