i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
