if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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