did you get engaged???
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
