I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
