I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
