Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
