Christians are straight up FREAKS
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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