great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
did you just send me my own nude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
