I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So vagazzling was a success
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