every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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