That's intense
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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