What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
