True but thats because hes a fetus.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
