Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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