2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pop tarts are not kleenex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need moral support for this bender
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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