I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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