i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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