it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize