girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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