Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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