why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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