I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
